I saw a movie where a couple were so self centered that they could not tolerate each other during their adaptive stage. They started having serious issues over some irrelevant matter that has to do with them becoming more familiar and now living under the same roof. One of the things that I have discovered about many marriages in my generation is that many did not develop a covenant mindset before they got into it.
You’re wondering, what is this one even saying? Just follow me ok…Newly weds actually think that they have known all about their spouses because they dated for ages. Let me break the news to you right now, you are yet to know how she behaves when she is sick, you are yet to find out the disgusting smell of his real fart or how he drops saliva like an imbecile when sleeping.Oh! you don’t know that she actually makes noise when eating with a ceramics plate? And his chewing is actually terrible on a normal level, forget the packaging you people do when you hang out.
Before you tell me about etiquette, please I am not trying to endorse these things or say that you cannot influence or change them. But my dear, for you to make any meaningful change in any course in life then you must first accept the existing condition. The reason why many couples have remained where they are is because they have refused to accept what they met in each other after their wedding. They are feeling that their spouse scammed them by packaging himself or herself during those dating times and not showing some aspect of them. I just hope I’m not confusing you, please just hang on ok…It is not pretence my dear, it’s called packaging. They are two different things. There are things you will never know about someone until you live under the same roof with them. Producers of drugs don’t market some side effects to you, they only market the benefits and that is packaging.
There may not need to tell you about them all, so what usually happens is that you will just find out the side effects of the drugs yourself when you buy them and of course that feeling of disappointment will be there. Maybe i need to tell you that there is always something that you will not naturally be comfortable with in your partner especially during what i refer to as “after wedding discoveries”. Please this is not about supporting failures by not discovering major things about your partner. This is a different thing altogether.
I already told you about making a priority list in my earlier post. Your priority list should contain those major things that governs your personality and philosophy in life while these other ones are things that you may not like naturally but they can be tolerated and worked on later. Understanding covenant helps you to appreciate some of these things. Marriage is an already established covenant by its definition which is an oat entered into by two people in the midst of a higher authority (God, government or custom and tradition) as the case may be. Every covenant has a sacrifice that sustains it. If you don’t pay a price to maintain that covenant then you are actually a wedded single waiting to be divorced.
Covenant must costs you some sacrifices for you to maintain it. It is not free at all, ask Jesus himself. Marriage Covenant should cost you some sacrificial prices which needs to be paid while in it. Men need to also understand this truth, your wife is sacrificing her body and life to give birth to those kids, the last thing she should get is you “body shaming” her. Covenant mindset helps you to prepare for her looks after childbirth. This is your own sacrifice to pay, accept her and help her look better. For the lady, it might be his sudden development of potbelly or heavy snoring. If you don’t accept some of these, then you may lose that marriage because there is no price or sacrifice to sustain the marriage covenant. Before you go into it, prepare your mind to accept some of the “after wedding discoveries”. Remember some of them might make you want to regret marrying your spouse. But the truth is that everyone have this experience in one way or the other.
There is usually something that they have discovered that they don’t naturally seem comfortable with in their partner. It’s normal, the problem is if you are prepared for it. You need to understand that two different beings who grew up with different orientation and in different environment coming together to live under the same roof as one is not just easy at all. This is where acceptance should come in. Accept those your spouse’s flaws first, then you can initiate the change if necessary but if you don’t accept them, you will become obsessive about the change and then ruin your marriage. You need some of the skills in emotional intelligence for you to be able to navigate through during that period. But let me say that you need to build your covenant mindset and tolerance because you have some after wedding discoveries ahead of you.
Hope this was valuable to you? As a single, are you really prepared with this covenant mindset or tolerance level required? And if you are married, you can share some of yours and how you were able to overcome that stage. Have you joined Marital Bliss Community? Marital Bliss is a Community created for young people to interact and to understand better the true meaning of love. This is to help them have a successful relationship and marriage.